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 Have you ever seen an angel fall?

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Viviart
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Registration date : 2007-05-10

PostSubject: Have you ever seen an angel fall?   Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:48 pm

Have you ever seen an angel fall?
Down from the heavens to this desolate earth?
Drifting feathers announce his unexpected visit
As he descends...
Plummetting, desperately
He falls into the clouds

He has lost himself, with feathers ruffled and spirit broken
Happiness and all that he had, vanished
Gone is his purity, his apathy
And soon comes the onslaught of human emotions

He lays there, shattered and alone
Wrenching in agony
As he is ripped in a million different directions
Sadness overwhelms, the sin drips from his very soul
It is no longer pain that hurts so much but love
And he cannot take it

Watch the dark feathers
...float down
Slowly returning to dry the tears of their beloved
This small comfort he clings onto
Knowing it is all he has of his past

Now what's left is his pitiful heart
A shining glory reduced to meek rags
But the grey slowly lines with green
And for years, although in loneliness
He realizes that deep within his heart
Lies a single blood red gem

It grows, the warmth spreads to his fingertips
Loveliness falls into an easy smile
And at last, he finds his heart is no longer completely his
There is a soft sweetness that rises to meet him
It engulfs him in his lasting true colors
And gone is his emptiness
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Viviart
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PostSubject: Re: Have you ever seen an angel fall?   Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:52 pm

Any suggestion would be great. The poem still feels incomplete.
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Dantess
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Registration date : 2007-05-08

PostSubject: Re: Have you ever seen an angel fall?   Sun Jul 15, 2007 3:07 am

Well I love it the way it is ♥

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Chenggis
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PostSubject: Re: Have you ever seen an angel fall?   Tue Jan 01, 2008 7:34 am

Yeah, I see what you mean. Mebe you could change the last line "And gone is his emptiness" to "his emptiness lost forever" or something like that.
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